Come, Fly With Me

July

This month was spent in Southern China, Hong Kong and Macao.

 

What happened to the Chinese and all their bicycles? I think they melted them all down and turned them into Volkswagon Jettas.

 

They were better off with the bikes, because they drive like crap.

 

If you’re going to buy copied DVDs from street vendors, make sure the movies aren’t in Russian. Unless you speak Russian, in which case that would be fine.

 

Rumour has it that Asian condoms are a tighter fit than Western ones. Not good for the circulation.

 

Not good.

 

The richest man in Hong Kong is called Ka-Ching.

 

Here’s a picture of the Dum Ping River.

 

Dog meat tastes like watered down beef, what’s the big deal?

 

Woof.

 

Everyone here wears jade, well it might be jade. It might also be plastic or glass. Everything can be faked. Except the rice. That would just be wrong.

 

The Chinese have a special attachment to their rice. If you don’t have rice with your meal, then you can’t really be full.

 

There are many of the old rice-eating short people around, mixed with a whole new swath of the nutritionally enhanced giant Yao Ming generation.

 

1 country, 2 systems!

 

Why are we still giving development aid to China? I would humbly suggest that they take some of their communist ideologies to heart and redistribute their own wealth.

 

I think that if you’re wealthy enough to start giving aid to Zimbabwe, you’re on your own.

 

300 million smokers in China. They need more land for growing tobacco..ah, sweet Zimbabwe.

 

Like many ‘developing’ countries China lacks a decent mapping and urban planning system. Luckily, there are guys on motorcycles who will escort you to your desired location.

 

If you want to make a Chinese person cry, tell them that you really can’t see the Great Wall of China from outer space.

 

If you want to start a heated discussion, tell them that you don’t know what the fuss is all about regarding Japanese-Sino relations.

 

I took one of my Chinese colleagues ice skating at one of the arenas located in a large shopping mall. This is a very popular thing to do on the weekend. As the only Westerner on the ice among a thousand locals, I felt an obligation to make a good impression.

 

And so, I sailed like Gretzky, gliding smoothly across the surface. A few precious moments into my show… I rounded the rink and tripped, taking a fantastic fall, sprawling and flailing along the ice. In doing so I also managed to take several unsuspecting children down with me.

 

It was not a proud moment. In my attempt to justify why I had taken such an incredible dive, I made a show of checking my skates. I found that they had given me figure skates! In fact, everyone was wearing skates with sharp picks on the front of their blades. Brutal!

 

No wonder the Chinese can’t play hockey. Of course, having seen my spectacular display they might be wondering why Canadians can..

 

 

Another popular thing to do on weekends, is to visit Macao. It’s a great gambling destination with a Portugese twist. They speak Portugese, the architecture is Mediterranean.

 

And you don’t have to eat with chopsticks.

 

Haven’t been on a plane in 6 weeks. I’m starting to miss the food.

 

Cheers,

Lars